You Are Your Own Person

There are many tests, some difficult and some very excruciating, that a parent has to pass through so often in the relationship with her child. I think, it is necessary to do certain things, even if the parent is hurt in the process. In a child’s interest, it is worth crushing the parent’s ego.

As an adult, I have my share of folks I get along with very well and some that I don’t. When the latter comprises of relatives, it is a tough call as one cannot wish them away or walk away from them for keeps. They are there, just as I am.

I decided to keep these personal prejudices (they are just that most often) to myself and not let them colour my child’s view of people and the world around her. After all, I was given this opportunity to nurture her. I did not want to slip up knowingly.

It was not a pleasant task for me to tell Ponnu that this uncle or aunt of yours is nice, when I was not on talking terms with them. Of course, they are, never mind my perceptions. So I encouraged Ponnu to call them up and wish them on festivals, birthdays and whenever she felt like. If she expressed a desire to visit them, I could not accompany her there; but she was to accompany her father or cousins and drop in. Believe me, it was a tough call for me to do that.

I reasoned with myself, I do that because my experiences cannot be that of Ponnu’s. She has to form her own opinions, independent thoughts and act upon them. Of course, it wasn’t that there was any danger looming that I was foolhardy to send her anywhere. I think I also did that, knowing fully well, Ponnu would not be influenced by anything that folks told her. It was that which made it imperative on my part, to not sow thoughts in her tender mind that would fracture her behaviour and perceptions.

When Ponnu asked me questions with regard to my behaviour to a few I did not get along with, I had to learn to think and spell out my reasons without prejudicing her about others and me as well. It was a razor's edge, for sure. To be honest and ask her to respect my views. It is a bit funny and a bit interesting as well for me to know, how differently my child and I view people that we both know. It also puts my behaviour in perspective and I observe curiously her interactions with others.

I always wonder what makes me behave so differently with Ponnu. I don’t think I should think, analyse it too much. As long as I realize I have been given this gift in the form of a child, which reveals so many facets about her and me daily, that is enough.