Exams!

Two decades after I had written a major examination, I decided to write another last week. No particular reason than a whim.

I filled the admission forms for MA class last year. With much enthusiasm – running to and fro with certificates to the Xerox outlets, carrying mark sheets of god-alone-knows how many academic years, affixing photographs and doing all those student rituals. The enthusiasm lasted just that much. I had for company, my Bacha – my ex-colleague who over a period of time became my daughter. Some relationships are like that – thoughts fuse with love and one is gifted the unexpected.

Some days before the exam, Bacha messaged me. “Ma, the exams begin next Friday”. I promptly texted back – “Not appearing”. Her response was, “I am”. That set me thinking. What was I afraid of? I came up with many excuses. For starters, I had read my text books only a few times. Not read, but scanned. Bacha replied she had done just that but was still giving the exam. I googled to see whether there were any articles on `studies and lazy students’. Just over a lakh entries answered to that description!

I went over to Ponnu and declared, “I am appearing for the exam.” She must have been taken aback by that statement for she said, “What is the worst that can happen? You will fail. Then you can write the exam again.” One can only rise after that. Expect the worst and even a notch higher is a milestone. For me, it is.

Over two decades is a long time to get back to studies, to read without letting the mind call out to the usual small and big chores. I was able to do that, albeit with much difficulty. My brains must have surely singed with the effort.

A week ago I found myself outside the examination hall. Students, children actually, were memorizing their notes at the last minute. I entered the classroom and was gladdened by the sight of a grey haired man. Someone older than me was here!

My Bacha reminded me every day, “Ma, we have nothing to lose. We have a job that we love.”

The exams got over two days ago. Life is back at its familiar contour. A colleague came up with, “So when are the results?” As for me, I have passed. I did what I thought I could not. Not just that. I sat put in a narrow bench and chair three hours for four days. Wrote with a pen for three hours at a stretch. I breathed in exams as I went about doing my chores and attended office too. The results are a formality. To the colleague I replied, “Sometime in June or July.”