Unrealistic

Whenever someone mentions the word marriage and associates Ponnu with it, I can feel my temper rising. I can’t think of Ponnu being married. I realise this is not right. But I can’t see my child going off with a man for life. Since Ponnu has come into my life, I find that when I go for a wedding and see the nuptials taking place with the mridangam and naadaswaram blasting away, I get emotional.

Ponnu’s dad once remarked, “Everyone gets married. So did you.” Of course I did. But still. “I can’t see my daughter being taken away by a guy.” He asked, “Who takes her away? That is not the way to see it. She gets married.” Yes, yes. But I still revolted against the idea. Someone taking away my girl. Can’t digest that.

One nurtures one’s fears and over a period of time these grow so large that sane reason stands no chance. One day I mentioned casually to Ponnu, “You don’t really have to get married. You study, get a job, see the world and enjoy yourself.” Ponnu looked at me for a little while and then said, “You know something… That is a selfish thing to say.” After which she walked away from the room.

I sat rooted to my seat and was thinking about what Ponnu had said. I mentally cringed at the word, `Selfish’. I have never seen myself in relation to that adjective. Selfish. It was just that I was afraid another person would not be as good and loving to Ponnu as I or her dad. But that was a negative thought without any reference point. A thought which came out of my unwillingness to let go and put another’s happiness first.

A little while later I went to Ponnu’s room and found her reading on the bed. I sat across her and apologized for what I had said. It was indeed selfish on my part to tell her something that came out of my fear. I hugged her and said, “You were right. It was a selfish thing to say.” She only asked, “Did I hurt you?” A bit, I replied. But you were right, I stressed.

A parent is learning anew with a child. The roles are not rigid. Most times the parent shows the way and sometimes the child points out the signs ahead.